I have to be honest. I feel that my writing skills have dwindled since a year ago when I felt I was at my writing prime. Was I at my writing prime? Quite possibly. I wrote a lot and I thought I wrote well. I've gone back and read some of my entires on old accounts and I astound myself. Whatever happened? Well a lot of turmoil I suppose but mostly one could say I "got a life".
I wrote a lot in high school and early college because I was prisoner in my home. I wasn't allowed to parties or dates or even out with friends of my own sex unless they were approved by my parents (which didn't prevent my same sex love affair at age 17) which left me with not a whole lot to do. I could play video games, which got boring fast, or I could chat online and write and draw which had endless potential. My parents bought me some of the material I could want, pencils and paper and a computer, I bought myself a scanner, my hacker friends got me the software I wanted and viola, I had everything I needed to produce great artwork and okay writing (money can't help you write better so I was stuck there but I got pretty good I think.) When I wasn't writing or drawing or doing school work, I was eating or downloading bondage porn.
As heavenly as that existence may sound, it really sucks to live like that for years at a time (combine that with other abuse issues and the insanity of my family) so last year, just before my 21st birthday, I went out with a friend my parents approved of, and I never came back. I now live with my very great boyfriend and I'm trying to find a good job before my inheritance runs out.
I was talking to the La Douche people (La Rouche people yeah) and they were complaining that soon everyone in the world would be preoccupied with fucking and the world would go to shit. So I asked what was wrong with fucking and said that if everyone was only concerned with fucking and nothing else that the world would probably be a better place, well you know how that goes. Anyway, the La Douche response was "I don't understand people who are fucking with what's happening to our planet!" And I looked her square in the eye and said "I don't understand people who are driving SUVs when they know what's happening to our planet." And I saw her eyes go wide and her cheeks turned bright red. Hahaha. You know she drives an SUV. She stuttered and changed the subject... ahhh. Gotta love the idiots. They think we can save the world if we stop enjoying ourselves, when really there are some concrete things we can do to really save the world, like conserve the friggen oil we consume so damn fast.
Why do people think we'll save the world by punishing ourselves? Seriously. What would be the point of preserving the world if it meant we couldn't have a good time? Der. And besides, the planet was made for having a good time, we just have to be smart about it and I personally think driving is NOT a good time at all, and I don't drive for that reason so it's really easy for me to help save the planet by not consuming oil. Heh.
I think I may quite some of my more political minded communities as much as I love them, just because the seriousness of their topics tends to be a downer for me. Maybe I'll just take them off my watch list so I can check up on them without seeing the posts every time I look at my friends page. I love the conversations. It's just that seeing how disgustingly and depressingly violent and stupid so many of the people in the world are depresses the hell out of me and tends to consume all of my thinking space. Like how can I be happy and enjoy myself when I know that (insert depressing fact here) is going on?
It's true that knowledge is a virtue but from time to time I'd really like to be "blissfully unaware" of current affairs.
Is it just me or is fan fiction getting lamer? I remember a time when fanfics were at least 2 pages long. Now I'm seeing two paragraphs that vaugly describe sex getting comments like "Wow that was sooo hot!" *face palm* Whatever happened to character studies? Why is it always somebody banging somebody else? I know what happened, Ieft the South Park/Star Trek fandom. In those fanfics characters bang eachother whilst learning important lessons about life. *returns to South Park and Star Trek fandom.*
I 've decided to just delete all of my mom's 26 emails from yesturday. I'm tired of reading them and none of them actually help me get the financial aid check she imagines is floating around in nether-space.
There's no check. She lied about how much she had in savings, FAFS found out about it and took back the check. And now she's trying to make it look like I haven't tried to get financial aid so that she doesn't have to feel guilty for not paying me when she has plenty of doe or for lying on my Financial aid forms.
Fine. But I'd rather she just said "No" instead of long diatribes and placing the guilt on me. I'm not the one whho said she was $20k in debt when she had 51K in the bank! I didn't lie to Cal Grant but I have to suffer for it because I'm legally still "dependent" (bullshit) I don't live at home. My mom doesn't pay the bills here or the rent, nor is she paying for college. Why can't I be independent? Because I'm under 24! Lame!
I've been thinking that people online expect others to be pretty shallow, IE you wouldn't want to confuse them with a multi-faceted and true to life persona. You'd have to stick to something one sided, simple, and easy to understand with clear and well defined "truths". In other words, stereotypes and schemas seen even more powerful online.
For example: All atheists must also be follows of "Skeptics Magazine" despite the obvious possibility of not believeing in a diety and also believing in say.. UFOs! Or Big Foot, or that Ronald Reagan was a real person and NOT a cloned nazi sympathyzer. (He was a Nazi clone but that's not the point of this post)
I find that frustrating and limiting. It's even more limiting if you're a woman- and don't tell me otherwise, after all the gender studies courses I've taken, and after all the blatent "Mouthy Women burn in hell!" yelling I've witnessed on campus, it's impossible for me to believe the Neo-sexist claim that sexism is dead and that feminists are old hat. I see sexism all the time, but espescially online and it's incredibly lame.
The only women who believe it are either very young and sheltered or very priledged (and sheltered) like a peagan who I heard say that all the feminist values Wicca had fought for had been won and she could rest easy now. I wanted to slap her across the face and say "Go to down town LA, get a job, take the bus every day, and then tell me that equality has been reached."
And with regards to Obama and Clinton: they both suck but as far as who has the better chance of being president a white woman or a black man, I ask you "Who got the vote first?" ThaNKYOU VERY MUCH AND GOOD DAY!
And as far as women being privledged because they worked hard for it, sure maybe every now and then, but a lot of them are privledged because their daddy's were rich or because they married some wealthy guy. I mean I'm told that I should see the wife of our Governator as a role model. For what? Quiting her job so her husband could become a governer? Or very liberated she is! Very good example fo a strong indipendent and succesful woman. *pukes*
My mom, who has not worked for 15 years, just sent me a letter saying she wouldn't give me any money for college expenses because I am lazy and she listed the work I have done since I was sixteen, emphasizing that it was all part time. (She neglected to remember that I sometimes worked two part time jobs while being a full time student.) I'm 21 so she's dropping me like a led weight. I just hate being accused of poor work ethic by a fat ass who hasn't had a job for 15 years.